Wednesday, May 22, 2013

I'll Never be a Used Car Salesman, and That's OKAY

Once in awhile a work of non-fiction comes along that has the potential to challenge our understanding of ourselves and the world we live in. In Praise of Slow by Carl Honore was one such book. This is another. Not only has Susan Cain done her homework, she's presented it with an infectious exuberance that burns with her obvious love of this subject matter.

I've always been a quiet guy. I dislike distractions, prefer working with focused attention on a single task that I'm passionate about and hate multitasking. I'm uncomfortable at large gatherings where I am expected to contribute to small-talk, preferring instead one-on-one conversations about deep issues. My idea of the perfect vacation is unstructured alone-time that I can use for solitary pursuits like reading. I've always believed that there was something wrong with me. This is why I am extremely grateful to Susan Cain for writing a book that has empowered me to come out of the closet. As an introvert.

It can be hard for people like me, growing up in a culture that puts a premium on extroversion. I've been told all my life that I need to be "more outgoing", and a "team player" that exudes "confidence under pressure" if I hope to be successful. While I can make a herculean effort to fake all of those attributes, the truth is that unless I am engaged in an activity I am passionate about (like teaching martial arts or writing), they feel like a foreign language to me. I'm a very good listener and observer, but ask me to present something in front of a group and there is a good chance that I will have a nervous breakdown.

Susan Cain has made me feel a lot less alienated. After turning the last page of her treaty on introversion, I even began to look at my "personality orientation" as an advantage. There is plenty of room in our society for both the outgoing speech maker, and the quiet, introspective thinker who writes those speeches for him. It is a symbiotic relationship that both benefit from. So the next time I encounter an extremely self-confident, life-of-the-party-type extrovert, instead of my usual reaction of being intimidated, I'll bury my nose back into my book and remind myself that the world needs substance as well as style. Because a world filled with used-car salesmen might be fun for a while, but it's not the kind of world I'd want to live in.

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