Friday, September 28, 2012

The New Zombie Survival Guide

When you see your first zombie shuffling down Main Street, it doesn't necessarily mean there is an apocalypse on the way. If you see the same zombie standing up in front of a room full of pre-teens, convincing them that eating brains is the way to go, I would start amassing food and weapons, because dark days are ahead, my friend. Last night, I saw my first zombie:

It was open house at the school down the street, where my kids spend Monday to Friday learning about stuff. My wife and I did the requisite meeting, ate a hot dog and were then hustled into the Gymnasium for a "quick" presentation on UPower, brought to you by the parent's council. They normally hold a book fair in the library, but not this year. This year we got Sarah Westbrook talking in a mumbling rapid-fire about dreams, perseverance, and seemingly, The Worst Thing That Can Ever Happen To You: Not getting accepted as a contestant on Canadian Idol. There was some audience participation (from the few that were left after an hour of this). She asked us to share OUR dreams and say them right into the microphone. Somebody said "artist", someone else said "The best mom", when she got to me I said: "Sarah, in Ontario right now, my dream is to keep my job so I can continue to support my family and contribute to my community in a meaningful way."

Okay, I didn't say that. But I should have.

My two-and-a-half year old daughter started to fidget midway through, so I took her for a walk to the play equipment outside. There I ran into another dad who was wrangling his tweenage daughter out of there. "I couldn't listen to that anymore." He said, "All she talks about is me, me, me. My daughter doesn't need to hear that." I agreed. Sarah is probably a really nice person, but she was spreading the disease.

The book at the top of this post is going to become very important in the years to come. Think of it as the new Zombie Survival Guide.

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